The Tire (Pressure) Is High But I'm Holding On

When it comes to tires (or tyres for people outside of America), black is the safest choice. Yes, for once black is acceptable to be on your bike! That is not to say colors are bad for tires, but there is a narrow range of choices that look good. For example, gumwall tires are hot, period. They will work with any bike. White tires are not recommended, because they scream out "hipster", but see below for an exception.

Boonen in a skinsuit and gumwalls. I honestly cannot find anything wrong with this picture.

They look good on mountain bikes too!

White tires are usually a no-go, but natural white Dugasts for cyclocross are to die for. 

In the spring classics, you will see lots of green tires wrapped around box-section rims, and you can be assured that those are Vittoria Paves. Never mind the green doesn't match the bike, they look sexy. Another tire that looks great without matching the bike is a pair of digital blue Michelin PR3s. Clinchers are a rare sight in the professional peloton, but the Michelins have been used by Euro teams like AG2R (though not the most stylish team ever, but we'll let that slide).

Ready for the cobbles.

Especially classy when coupled with 32-hole box section rims.

Yeah, those are actually clinchers.

The most important rule to follow is balance. If a bike is primarily red, equipped with a red saddle and red bar tape, a pair of red tires would be overkill. Why would you have a red saddle and bar tape in the first place? On the other hand, if a bike is primarily white with red accents, tires with red sidewalls could work, though I would still go with black tires or one of the colors mentioned earlier. Mismatching tire colors is not good, unless you really have to or just want to look like a fixie hipster.

What's In Your Head, Zombie?

Helmets save lives, but they also look dorky. So to overcome the dork-factor, get a helmet that looks good. All helmets sold in the US meet the same safety standards, but higher end helmets have more vents, carbon fiber bits, less exposed foam, usually lighter, and look better.

One of the lightest in the market, but for a high end helmet, it looks cheap and dorky.

This one looks awesome. It's also a Belgian brand, so you know it's totally Euro.

Cycling-specific helmets are for cycling (though inline speed skaters use them too), which means they'll work for road, mountain, 'cross, etc. Some helmets come with a detachable visors. They're meant for protecting the rider's face from tree branches and stuff in mountain biking, so don't use them for road. BMX helmets have no place in road cycling. For color choice, it is the same as for sunglasses. Black is hideous, team colors are cool, and if in doubt go with white, or silver in the case of helmets only. White and silver helmets will go well with any kit, be cooler in hot days, and more visible in the dark.

Since wearing a helmet is a serious matter, I won't dwell too long on what colors or brands of helmets to get. Instead, I will talk about how to wear a helmet for maximum style and protection for your noggin. First, make sure the helmet fits. Second, sit the helmet on your head and align it to just above your sunglasses. If you're not wearing sunglasses, make sure the helmet covers your forehead. Not only does it look better that way, there's a smaller chance of the helmet moving backwards and coming off your head in a crash.

Niels Albert still has yet to learn how to wear a helmet properly.

Fabian Cancellara saying: "Yo Niels, this is how you wear a helmet correctly".

Lastly, don't leave the excess strap hanging free. Either cut them off or keep them tied up using the rubber band that usually comes with helmets. Most importantly, whenever you are out riding, wear a helmet, regardless of what it looks like. Riding without a helmet was cool in the Mesozoic era because it was legal to race helmet-less back then. But we're in the 21st century, so unless you are a dinosaur, wear a helmet.

I'm Dreaming of a White Bar Tape

Warning: this blog entry will repeatedly endorse white bar tape.

White bar tapes look best, period. It is very rare to see riders win races with bar tape colors other than white. Even when that is the case, the first bike with white bar tape across the line still wins.

Pozzato won the 2006 Milan-San Remo, or did he?

In this picture, it is clear that Filippo Pozzato (Quick Step) does a classic victory salute, and Tom Boonen (Quick Step) throws his arms in the air to celebrate his teammate's win, but what was Alessandro Petacchi (Milram) doing? This photo proves that he was the first rider with white bar tape to cross the finish line, so Ale-Jet was the actual winner that day, which is why he was initiating his own victory salute. Now that the real reason is out there, Boonen just looks silly.

Some riders refuse to use white bar tape because it gets dirty too quickly, but that is the same as saying "I don't want to be stylish because I'm not cool". It is totally worth spending the time to clean your bar tape and replace it when necessary. In cyclocross, riders and their bikes get dirty all the time, but that doesn't stop top riders like 'cross world champion, Zdenek Stybar from rocking white bar tape.

Stybar and white bar tape covered in mud, awesome. 

White bar tape works best when matched with a white saddle. Mismatching white bar tape with a black saddle is okay, but not as stylish as the white/white combination. A hot girl in a mismatching bikini wouldn't look as good on the beach... wait I take it back, that's a different story.

Put Your Stunna Shades On

In modern cycling, sunglasses provide more than just protection for the eyes. They also add style, but only if the eyewear is stylish. Look at the professional peloton, you will immediately notice that most riders wear sunglasses with bright-colored frames, or team-colored frames, or just plain white frames.

Michael Matthews, winning in style.

Frames with bright colors stand out, such as neon green, yellow or hot pink. Frames with matching team colors are cool too, but white frames are the safest bet and will go with any kit. Any of those three choices are stylish. Try to avoid black-framed sunglasses or other boring colors like gray, brown, silver, etc. Those are colors you wear for suits in the office, except for silver.

Sorry Mr. Armstrong, try again.

If you have to have black-framed sunglasses, at least use colored lenses and a few color accents on the frame to show some contrast. Also notice the brands both riders are wearing are not exactly cheap, but other sunglasses that fit the aforementioned criteria could still be stylish, just not on the same level of style. Designer sunglasses are banned; those are reserved for soccer moms out for a jog.

Now go put your stunna shades on and ride your bike. Don't ghostride your whip though.